Doctor Doctor Who Guide

I'm a long time reader, first time writer as Paul Clarke's reviews voice my opinions admirably every week.However Boom Town has forced me to come out and reveal to you just how this episode was written:

One day Russell T Davies woke up. He got dressed, cleaned his teeth and got his early morning coffee, but something was niggling in the back of his mind. It kept telling him he had forgotten something, but what was it? Suddenly he blew the coffee out of his mouth. Of course! He had forgotten to write episode 11 of Dr Who. What was he going to do? He sat down at his computer. He had a three o'clock deadline and had to complete a forty-five minute episode.

He thought about the basics. - It would be set on Earth. That was an easy decision, as all episodes would be set on earth due to the fact the TARDIS was just a time travel machine (Wait a minute, isn't it a space travelling machine as well? -Huan) and seeing as the series was being filmed in Cardiff it would be easy to set the episode there and after all the Doctor likes Cardiff, he's a secret Welsh man.

Russell then put his imagination to work and decided to set the episode in two years time (cos that's what Doctor Whos all about isn't it kids - Huan). Now the aliens. Again for easiness he thought, let's bring back the funny (think he's forgotten the inverted commas there - Huan) Slitheen cos after all they were his favourites, a great marketing opportunity and the costumes were already made.

Now the plot - As he had already established in earlier episodes, he wasn't good at putting together a full 45 minute episode, he normally chose to think of a good 15 minutes and then just fill in the gaps. So for this episode he looked around his office and saw that the paper had a news story about nuclear power. That was good, a nuclear power plant. Yes, right, let's build one in the middle of Cardiff because like in two years time the Government of Britain won't mind a nuclear power plant being built in the middle of the city and neither will its residents. Those people of Cardiff are up for a laugh and obviously wont be concerned about the chance of having mutant children. We'll make the Slitheen the Mayor because Mayor's have all the power to make all the decisions in Wales dont they?

Right now what about the characters. The deadlines apporaching - 2.30pm already, right well, it's more important to make the episode a full 45 minutes long rather than give the characters any consistency so: let's pretend Mickey still hasn't got over Rose leaving him, even though he appeared to in the last episode when they were together. Then let's make them have a fight and at the end have him really bitter that Rose prefers travelling in time (not space remember) to boring old him. He can then go stomping off so that maybe next series I can have him come back as a baddy or something. Also may as well make Rose look upset, even though she has been through three other men since leaving Mickey. (obviously he's forgotten her brief relationship with the suicidal Dalek - Huan)

Right what about the other two minor characters Jack and the Doctor? Okay well Jack can stay in the ship most of the time fixing the TARDIS, that's him out of the way, and the Doctor can capture the Slitheen and then they can have a moralistic debate about life and death again, oh and explore some of Cardiff's finest eateries. Yeah that's good.

By now it was three o clock and he quickly finished off the script with an awful alien surf board idea, the TARDIS saving the day, added a few bad special effects and sounds and raced over to Cardiff for the shoot.

In my opinion (and some other people's based on the 'grin and bear it' remarks) Mr Davies' episodes are not up to scratch, with the other writers far out shining him. Trouble is he writes over half of them and to me that's a worry. Let's hope he's listened and learned. He has a second chance with a new Doctor. Please take it.

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