Doctor Doctor Who Guide

In short, I hated it.

No, really, this has to be the single worst episode of RTD's run to date.

I mean, let's ignore the fact that this was basically just Spin Off Setup #2. Let's ignore the fact that that whole ending dialogue between the Doctor and Rose was really ripping off: Kim Newman's "Anno Dracula" novels, Clive Barker's comic series "Night of the Living Dead: London", and that one Garth Ennis Hellblazer storyline ("Royal Blood"?) in which a royal is demonically possessed.

No, let's instead focus for a wee moment on how for the most part this episode made Queen Victoria out to be a charming doddering old nanny type, who really really missed dear old Albert (indeed, Alan Moore's From Hell made references to Victoria possibly using psychics to try to contact Albert from beyond), as opposed to the HAG who helped set human sexuality and development back about, oh, 200 years or so? Now far be it for me to dispute the notion that just because Something is True, Something Else Can Also Be True, but I'm watching this, as Vickie spends half the episode acting like the maid from the Disney cartoon version of 101 Dalmatians, and I can't help but think of something I learned in freshman year Honors Family Studies class, in which something like 20% or so of all births ended with death to the baby and mother because of Victoria's attitudes about nakedness, so well jolly joked about in this episode, because doctors WOULDN'T LOOK AT THE WOMAN'S VAGINA AS SHE'S PASSING A BABY OUT OF IT, instead delivering babies with THEIR HEADS TURNED?! Yes, these are the things I think about watching Doctor Who.

[Yeah, OK, Victoria "banishing" the Doctor and Rose was more along the lines of what I envisage Victoria as, but I mean, come on. Really.]

But hey, yes, instead, let's gloss over the completely historically illogical quaint idyllic Scottish KUNG FU FLICK we get at the beginning. Hey, I actually thought that was pretty cool when I saw it in the trailers but as we actually get into the story it MAKES NO FRACKING SENSE. How the Hell you gonna tell me Scottish monks are learning wu-shu in a time when Japan had JUST opened its borders and China was a feuding warlord state from Hell? And the worst thing is, the only time we ever get any HINT of it again was the HMIC disarming Victoria's captain of the guard, and then THEY DISAPPEAR FROM SIGHT! The Hell!

The Doctor is a punk? With a hint of Rockabilly? IN WHICH UNIVERSE, BABE? In THIS one he just walked off the set of Quadrophenia and wears Buddy Holly glasses. Meanwhile, hey, I know, let's rehash all the Ace-"noble-savage" jokes from "Ghost Light" but never actually get Rose INTO the period dress now that we've made a big frakkin' deal over how "naked" she was.

The werewolf is an alien? Get outta here, we've never seen Supernatural Explained As Aliens before, naw! Especially not in the Victorian Era, a time period we've NEVER been to before, especially not accidentally or anything! *koff*UnquietDeadwhichIalsodidn'tmuchcarefor*koff* And in the end, all this leads up to the Super Sekrit Origin of...the big honkin death ray in "The Christmas Invasion." Um, yay.

I was so so looking forward to this one, and I was so so let down. I just don't get it. What the Hell is going on with this season so far?

Oh, and look, Sarah Jane Smith, K-9, and Tony Head next week. Maybe once I scrape the fanwank glaze from my monitor, there'll be a good episode. Maybe.

We were not amused, tho. Oh no, not by half.

Filters: Television Series 2/28 Tenth Doctor